30 January 2009

chronic sporadic neurotic procrastinator's anonymous

© Time Inc.


No, I'm not dead.

I gauge from the sometimes sporadic entries of some of my fellow bloggers in my blogroll that I'm not the only one who suffers blogger block from time to time. God knows what I've been up to. I've been sporadically busy, sporadically idle, sporadic in general. I'm always doing something to be not doing something else, which is not a good way to be, I don't think.

Right now I'm writing this blog entry, thus not writing a piece of fiction I've been aiming at getting to work on and not storyboarding the short film I'm trying to get out of my head so I might convince others to work with me. There are so many things rattling around in the attic of my mind, like little ghosts asking to be born, and me such a reluctant parent at times. I feel like I'd be remiss to pay any one of them any more attantion than any other, as if they're all equally deserving. I suppose they are equally deserving, these projects I'm refraining from embarking on for one reason or another, but some are more deserving than others.

Yesterday I cleaned my desk. Next I'll probably clean my house. And then I'll probably have a shower. And then I'll clean the hob. And then I'll dirty it. And then it will need cleaning again, and the pots I used, they'll need cleaning. All this when what I really need to do is clean my mental attic. It needs a wholesale spring cleaning. It needs to be emptied of all the little ideas I've kept for years so that I can start collecting new ones. The trouble is, I fear losing them if I get them out. But if I don't get them out, they'll never get used. If they don't get used, I won't fulfill my life's purpose. If I don't fulfill my life's purpose, then... well... it doesn't bear thinking about.

I know there's a reason why even creative work is called "work". But there's also a reason it's called "rewarding", and I'm wondering when this will cease to be pulling-teeth type work and be more like the all-comsuming wave, sweeping all before it like it has been for me in the past and like I know it can be for me again?


1 comment:

The Sexy Pedestrian said...

Wine. That's what you need. Pour a giant glass of red, read your favourite book ever, look through a photo album, cut out graphics you like from the Style magazine, couture in colours you like from Vogue, watch your favourite movie, make your favourite dinner from scratch and be inspired by things that, at one point or another, you fell in love with.
Works for me, anyway.