lament (endometriosis related)

I've just woken up with a sensation of weariness over being the girl who has surgery frequently. I feel this official seriousness in my life that I don't want anymore. I don't want to think about chronic pain, I don't want to look at myself in the mirror and see a long scar, several times opened, denting in across my belly and my mangled belly button, and I don't want to do this ever again but I don't know if that's possible.

It's no good to lament what has already happened, as in I'll never get my unmarred belly back, but is there anything that can lighten my circumstances and my mood? While I'm delighted that people understand there's something about me that requires them to treat me a little gentler than most, I would love to be so well that they stop asking me am I alright or if I'm in pain.

Time. I know. But how do I know that in another 8 months they're not going to cut me open again? I don't. Nobody does.