another town

I'm back, once again, from a visit to the US which was wonderful. It was so nice to go back to PA and be in a place where you're sure to have a summer, unlike home in Ireland where it's always a gamble. And after yesterday's solid grey gloom I found myself feeling quite fed up.

As much as I feel at home in the beautiful Pennsylvania countryside I've no desire, at the moment, to be in the US. I quite like living the European life. And I'm crossing my fingers that my application to the Italian consulate for citizenship will be successful (wait for it... decision in a few years). But I have this love/hate relationship with Ireland. While my folks were visiting us here I was able to see it through their eyes and it was enchanting, probably largely because it is out of the reach of US politics in your ear every day, etc. And it is a beautiful place. But upon return from our short absence, I feel a let down.

I always mock Americans and their seemingly faux friendliness, always chattering away inanely to strangers and being so polite and the almost embarrassing bravado they use to demonstrate they know what exactly is going on (that's another essay). But good lord the Irish could take a page or two from that book. I've just been out shopping and I find experiences out in public (at least where I live) to be really lonely affairs. Instead of being bombarded with unwanted attention, here I feel like I don't exist. Not a single person takes a blind bit of notice of anyone around them, even if they run smack into you. There are no courtesies, no respect of a stranger's physical well being and just a general sense of thoughtlessness and exclusion. I haven't thought about it in a long time, but I've come back round to my old sentiment that Ireland leaves me feeling desperately lonely.

Where I think we should be is something I can't answer. I haven't a clue where on Earth I'd rather be, if anywhere. Maybe another country, maybe even just some other town in this country. But I long for community without all the backbiting and gossiping, without the pretentiousness, some place a little more in touch with what's really essential in life. I love my home and I adore everyone in it, I think it just might be in the wrong place.