...and they're off!

"Mmmnn..." as I tuck into a neat square of minty dark chocolate and take a deep breath....

...and...

GO FOR RANT:

In this part of the world, there aren't fixed general elections. Modelled on the British system, the Prime Minister (or Taoíseach in Irish (pronounced TEE-shuck)) gets to decide when it's time to go (or stay...). I don't understand the way it's decided, really. England is waiting for Blair to give up and apparently everyone knows who's likely to succeed him (Brown) if he's not outdone by someone more charismatic (Cameron). And it's the same here, although I gauge that here in Ireland, it's any one's guess who will be the next Taoíseach. And I wonder what's the point in running a country on a democratic ideology when whomever is in office can hang in there for as long as he likes, and not only that but there's a President (or Queen) to boot and I have no idea what purpose she serves. I see her at the symphony a lot. To me, the structure of the Irish political system seems a little like cricket, or this sport.

So after being hounded by the press last Friday and Saturday, the present Taoíseach, Bertie Ahern, decided yesterday that there will be a general election on the 24th of May. And the flurry of activity that has ensued is mind boggling. Poor President Mary McAleese apparently had to dissolve the Parliament (or Daíl (pronounced either "doll" or "doyle" depending on how you bend)) while wolfing down her cornflakes and trying to find her passport so she could catch her plane to the States. Surely, after spending all Saturday telling the press that the election would be "soon", surely Bertie could have given poor Mary a break, knowing she was rushing off to the USA. He could have called the election on Saturday night instead of 8 AM on Sunday... or maybe he didn't want to ruin his night down the local pub.

Within hours, Dublin was plastered with election posters. And for those of you who haven't been in Dublin during an election year, these aren't your annoying "Vote Buck Rogers for Congress" with stars, in really slogan-y, propaganda-y font. Nope, these posters feature BIIIIG, CHEESY Sears-portrait-studio type pictures of the candidate. You can't see which party they represent because it's printed too small (despite the fact that the posters are HUGE), you see their names alright, mostly all about the big, pie-eating mug. Every single one. And did I mention the posters are massive?

Ireland is, unfortunately, one of those countries that hasn't done any research and passed any legislation about simplifying roadside signage. They don't think to redesign signs when there are things to be added, they don't try to streamline the amount of signage used, they just stick signs up one in front of the other on the footpaths until there is a veritable forest of poles down every road, making things difficult for pedestrians on already inadequate footpaths and encouraging already ignorant drivers to ignore signs further because there's no way you could drive and read them all anyway.

And now, every shagging pole down every shagging road is covered from top to bottom with these enormous election signs and you can't see anything down the sides of the roads as you look down them. Just columns of big, moony faces on EVERY pole. Callers have been ringing Liveline to admonish campaigns for blocking visibility on roundabouts and on roads overall. I can't blame them. They're a bloody nuisance, very distracting, garish and obtrusive.

It's cleared up a couple of questions I had about Irish political parties, though. I was unable to tell the difference between Fine Gael or Fine Faíl, Labour, Green (well... kind of), etc. until I saw the election posters. Since they don't print the party logo intelligibly enough (with the exception of Fine Gael), and because people commonly don't know which party the candidate they're going to vote for belongs to, I realise now they party affiliation doesn't matter. They're all the same and that's why the don't publicise their party affiliations. Making sure your face is the biggest thing on the poster so all your friends and family can see you, or maybe so you'll appeal to someone who doesn't know you, is more important than making sure your own party gets votes. So it's not about representing the people in your constituency at all, as far as I can tell... it's about making sure your cousins see your photo on the side of the road.

As for me, I won't be voting for any of them. All the candidates have terrible dress sense and their teeth are unnaturally white, obviously PhotoShoped.