satan disputes global warming & how eire gets around gettin' around

Would somebody run over and check the weather in hell? I just bought my first pair of skinny jeans since I ditched my favourite acid washed, zipper bottomed pair back in the '80s.


Ireland is trying once again to combat it's transport problem by blaming motorists who have to rely on their cars because of the transport problem. The Minister for Gettin' Around, Noel Dempsey, apparently got high and launched a scheme asking people to walk one short journey a week instead of driving. Right.

I'm all for walking. I'd be all about cycling if it wasn't so dangerous here. But really, we all know that it isn't the short journeys that are the problem (unless you're talking about the school run, which bungs traffic up in an almighty fashion... in which case parents should be penalized for sending their kids to school outside of their area). Mr. Dempsey is overlooking the fact that it's the people forced to move well outside of Dublin, where the house prices aren't so nuts, who have to drive because there aren't effective transport options in place. Those of us who have to do short errands usually choose to do so during off-peak times because no one is stupid enough to get in their car between the hours of 6 to 10 AM or 3 to 7 PM if they don't have to. What he's asking is like putting a sign up at the DART station saying "Our trains are really full today so if you wouldn't mind, we suggest you walk to work," (I can't claim that, someone said it on Pat "The Plank" Kenny's show this morning). Mr. Dempsey, sir, get a grip.

But then, if you think about it, maybe his way of thinking isn't all wrong. I have tried looking at it from his angle and I think he might be on to something. I have a few suggestions and incentives of my own regarding how we can solve Ireland's traffic problem:

1. If you keep building the roads narrower, windier, and counter-intuitively, as you are, maybe you'll break people's spirits and they won't want to drive anymore.
2. Remove all broadband from Dublin city centre so there will be no incentive to do business from there. (Maybe think about putting broadband into allll those houses that can't get it.)
3. Continue and escalate the closing down of all the petrol stations and selling the property to housing developers. This will make it impossible for anyone to find fuel for their cars and they won't drive as much.
   
4. Rearrange the working week for the whole of Ireland. Start by abolishing weekends and create rotating shifts for all 7 days of the week. Divide each county into thirds. The 1st third of every county will work a shift from 6AM to 2PM. The second third will work from 2PM to 10PM. And the last third will work from 10PM to 6PM. Restructuring the Irish economy in this way, and using the Gardaí shift division as a template, will help to alleviate congestion on the roads.